


Loathsome in his own Deliciousness

by fleetwoodcheese



Series: Til Eternity Passes Away [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: (like I jump time periods every other paragraph), After the Crusades, Angst with a Happy Ending, Before they met Andy and Quynh, Canon-Typical Violence, First Kiss, History/Geography I don't know her, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Immortality, Knives, Light Swearing, M/M, Mentions of Andy and Quynh, Nicky Not Succeeding at Speaking Arabic, Nicky Trying to Speak Arabic, Non-Chronological, POV Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, Requited Love, Suicidal Thoughts, Swords, Temporary Character Death, and all that, but not exactly because, but they don't know that yet, just trying to cover everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26186527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleetwoodcheese/pseuds/fleetwoodcheese
Summary: “More things should bother him about Nicolo. But they don’t. This isn’t some illiterate, blood soaked zealot. This isn’t a Frank. This is Nicolo. This is his Nicolo. He should be more worried about how he feels. How Nicolo makes him feel. But he isn’t. But on nights like these, Yusuf finds himself worrying, worrying that love, bittersweet and unrequited, has made him blind."Or, Yusuf isn’t alarmed that he’s in love with a man, or even a gross, barely monolingual Catholic man (read: holy trash panda)- he’s alarmed that when he looks at this man he forgets things he doesn’t think he can ever forgive.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: Til Eternity Passes Away [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1902382
Comments: 15
Kudos: 352





	Loathsome in his own Deliciousness

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic ever!! its very short but i really liked how it turned out! very nervous and excited!!

More things should bother him about Nicolo. But they don’t. This isn’t some illiterate, blood soaked zealot. This isn’t a Frank. This is Nicolo. This is his Nicolo. He should be more worried about how he feels. How Nicolo makes him feel. But he isn’t. 

But on nights like these, Yusuf finds himself worrying, worrying that love, bittersweet and unrequited, has made him blind.

They are sitting at a campfire in what may be France but could just as easily be Spain. At some point in their almost decade of time together, they had decided to travel for the sake of traveling, if just for a moment. So far, they had no leads on how to find the women plaguing their dreams with their deadly stares and heart filling laughter. Besides, visiting their families was becoming less and less of a viable option; Yusuf’s hair should be beginning to gray, his laugh lines should be deeper, his eyes should be more tired. They had gone back to Yusuf’s home a few times throughout the years, but Nicolo had never even touched that subject. Yusuf had tried, once more a few months ago, to convince Nicolo to go back home and visit his family citing that it may be his last chance. Sure, you look a bit too young, but maybe you just aged remarkably well, and isn’t it a bit cruel to let them believe you had died on the battlefield- to let them mourn a loss they need not mourn? But Nicolo had been as stubborn as always, rolling his eyes and complaining about Yusuf’s inability to live in the present instead of the past. But that Nicolo, all sharp wit and barely there smiles, is the Nicolo of the day. Nicolo at night is a completely different person. Nicolo at night shines brighter than the stars around him. Nicolo at night makes it easy for Yusuf to forget- forget all the terrible things that have happened to get them there.

This is what terrifies Yusuf. As he looks at him bathed in moon and firelight, he sees all he cares about in the world in one beautiful package. He does not see a murderer. He does not see a man who crossed countries to kill in the name of God. He does not see a man who wanted him dead so badly that he could not kill him just once- all because Yusuf was defending a place and, more importantly, a people that he loved. Surely, Yusuf thinks, an immortal warrior should be nearly fearless, but this scares him. How can he love a man who not even 10 years ago wanted his brain in pieces at his feet? How can he love this man, this killer, with his whole heart, with every fiber of his being, with the very atoms that make up his soul?

“Yusuf?”

“Hmm?” He’s rudely awakened out of his frantic thoughts by a frustratingly adorable sleepy Nicolo, all barely open eyes and tousled hair.

“What’s wrong?” he says this in horrifically mispronounced Arabic, but the point is still there, he’s learning.

“Why don’t you want to go back to your family?” Yusuf finally asks, not knowing how to even begin to explain ‘what’s wrong.’ 

“You’re staring at me like that because you’re worried about my family?” Nicolo says with a small, crooked smile. He laughs quietly as Yusuf dips his head, blushing slightly. It is a few seconds before Nicolo speaks again, now flipping back into Genoese quietly cursing his lack of Arabic vocabulary.

“You asked me once- why would I let them mourn when I am not dead?” He paused, looking up at Yusuf with his indescribable eyes. “The person they knew is dead. It is better for them to believe I died the way I was, than for them to see me live as I do now. The man they knew died the day you let me live.”

Yusuf remembered that day better and worse than any day of his life. He remembered the sun in his eyes and the metal blood on his lips, but time, it seemed, did not exist. They could’ve been killing each other for weeks, even months, and neither of them would be the wiser. It finally stopped when Yusuf, towering over Nicolo with his scimitar above his head and a tired rage in his heart, saw Nicolo’s eyes. He saw exhaustion, not the rage he had seen hours prior. His expression was that of a man ready to die, not a man ready to kill. So he dropped his sword and watched as those terrifying eyes flashed from relieved to confused to outraged. But as Yusuf felt Nicolo’s blade pierce through his stomach, he knew that this would be the last time one way or another. When he awoke, Nicolo was sitting quietly beside him. 

“That day,” Nicolo continues. “You showed me kindness that was not due. And I responded by killing you.”

“Nicolo...” Yusuf interrupted. He knew where this line of thought was going. Nicolo’s method of apologizing sometimes veered into self hatred, and Yusuf would rather hear the sound of Nicolo’s blade in his stomach than hear his Nicolo verbally mutilate the thing Yusuf holds most dear.

“Yusuf. I would beg you for forgiveness if I thought any words could make up for the damage that I have done,” He was scooting closer to Yusuf now, his voice wobbling with emotion. “The only thing I can say to you is that that man is dead. The man who hurt you- the man who killed because he thought God would save him- is dead. And if he were not, I would kill him over and over again. For you.”

They are now sitting knee to knee as Nicolo fumbles for something in his bag. He pulls out a dagger. Yusuf’s heart jumps, but he does not move. Nicolo gently passes it to him, handle first, taking the blade in his own hand. It’s clearly new, clearly expensive, but he doesn’t have time to notice any of the intricate details before Nicolo begins in practiced Arabic.

“Kill me. Again and Again. And I will spend the rest of my life thanking you.”

“Oh, Nicolo...” Yusuf can feel tears begin streaming down his face. He reaches for Nicolo’s face, still silently preparing himself to have his heart broken. “Nicolo. I would rather die at your hands than live another day without you.”

And he finally closes the gap between them, dropping the dagger at his feet. They kiss for the first time of millions. It is slow and sweet and salty with tears, and Yusuf thinks that an eternity with this man may not be enough. When they finally pull back, they stare at each other with tears streaming down their faces and grateful smiles reaching their ears, and Yusuf can’t help but love this man. This man who has killed him in more ways than one- more ways than ten at least, this man who once laughed his ass off as Yusuf tripped over a snake but was batting away tears when Yusuf finally awoke from a rather painful death via snake venom, this man who once died of dehydration after insisting that Yusuf should drink the last of their water.

This is Nicolo. This is his Nicolo.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from romeo and juliet (though taken completely out of context) as a memorial for the essay i was supposed to be writing instead of this (also b/c Joe and Nicky definitely knew Shakespeare)
> 
> also fully mad that my computer doesn't accept Nicolo as a word
> 
> rip to sentence structure but run-on sentences are my writing style
> 
> im thinking about writing a sequel set after the movie and featuring Andy and Nile! it'll be more fluff and domestic life! let me know if there's any interest in that
> 
> Joe tripping over a snake was inspired by Of Want and Waiting by Some_Impossible_Fairytale https://archiveofourown.org/works/25926592 which is about Nicky tripping over the only rock in the desert and I totally vibe with that but I also love the idea that Nicky's a "trip over a rock cuz I'm staring at Joe" person AND Joe is a "steps on a snake cuz I'm staring at Nicky" person


End file.
